Forever, Always, and Then Some

Chapter Four

Angel walks to the top of the stairs and sits down with his head in his hand. As he sits there he hears a soft voice and realizes he still has the baby monitor hooked on his belt. He pulls it off and listens to Buffy gently talking to the baby.

Willow walks up to him.

Willow: Where is Buffy?

Angel: She asked to be alone.

Willow: Should I go up?

Angel: Lets give her some time

Willow: Okay, but I will check on her if you think it is needed.

Angel: Thanks. You are a true friend. And Willow, sorry I lied to you but we needed to know for sure before we said anything. Do you understand?

Willow: I am trying to. Trying to make sense of all this. Not succeeding to well though.

Willow returns to the others. Everyone is blown away by the revelations just exposed.

Dawn decides to try and see Buffy.

She walks past Angel and notices the baby monitor.

Angel: Dawn, she asked to be alone.

Dawn: Well I want her to tell me. I am her sister and that is my nephew.

Dawn goes to the door and gently knocks as she lets herself in.

Dawn: Buffy you okay?

Dawn walks up to Buffy and leans over to see the infant.

Dawn: I guess I am an aunt. He is cute. Buffy are you okay?

Buffy: Dawn I am so far from okay right now, but I really want to be alone.

Dawn: Okay but let me know if I you need anything. I love you. (She leans over and kisses her sisters cheek) (whispers) By the way the baby monitor is on and Angel can hear everything.

Buffy’s eyes flash in anger. She gets up and walks to the cradle and finds the switch and abruptly turns it off.

Dawn leaves. She heads back down stairs.

Angel: Dawn, how is she?

Dawn: Still processing. Oh and by the way she did not like the fact you were listening in. (She nods at the now silent monitor in his hand)

Angel: You told her?

Dawn: Of course. (she continues downstairs)

After over an hour and still no Buffy, Cordy becomes concerned that it is almost time to feed the baby.

Cordy: Angel, Liam will be wanting his bottle soon. Want me to fix it and take it up?

Willow: Cordy fix it and I will take it up. I want to check on her anyway.

Willow takes the bottle up and finds Buffy in about the same place Dawn did. Just sitting staring at the child.

Willow: Buffy, they said it is about time for him to eat so I brought a bottle. Do you want to feed him?

Buffy: Thanks. He appears to be trying to wake up. I haven’t seen his eyes yet. Wonder what color they are.

Willow: Brown

Buffy: Huh, how do you know?

Willow: Oh well we have been looking at photos downstairs. I can get them for you.

Buffy: No I want to see the real ones. I can wait.

At that moment Liam opens his eyes and for the first time he looks into his mother’s face. The two seem to be locked on each other for a moment until the baby begins to fuss. Willow hands Buffy the bottle and she feeds her son for the first time. Willow sits on the footstool and observes. When the baby is finished eating, Willow finds a cloth for Buffy’s shoulder so he can be burped. Buffy is extremely nervous but handles the responsibility with a renewed confidence in herself. After he has been fed and burped, she finds the diapers and changes him with some blind leading blind guidance from Willow. He soon falls asleep and Willow encourages her to put him in his bed. Buffy lays down on Angels bed and watches her son sleep through the bars. Willow decides to leave them alone. Buffy falls asleep.

Eventually Angel can not contain himself any longer and peaks in. He sees mother and son both sleeping, so he leaves. He informs the others, so everyone decides go get some dinner since it does not look like Buffy is coming down anytime soon. Angel and Willow decide to stay at the hotel just in case.

About an hour later, Angel hears Buffy’s voice back on the monitor asking for Willow. He starts to go up himself but Willow encourages him to wait until she sees what is wrong if anything.

Willow comes in the room and sees a very agitated Buffy.

Willow: Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?

Buffy: The baby is fine, but I think my body has adjusted to the fact I am mother.

Willow: Huh?

Buffy turns toward Willow revealing the fact that her shirtfront is wet.

Willow: Buffy, is that what I think it is?

Buffy: Uh huh. Looks like my body has accepted what my mind is still trying to grasp.

Willow: Do you want me to get someone, Angel maybe?

Buffy: Not yet, but I could use my duffel bag with a change of clothes.

Willow retrieves the bag from the lobby and her and Buffy sit in the room quietly. Both women try to grasp the ramifications of the days events. Willow quietly reads the baby care books Angel has been studying. Hours pass and Buffy is still sitting in a near stupor when Liam begins fussing. Buffy instinctively reaches for him. As he begins to cry she realizes he is stimulating more than motherly instinct. Willow suggest he is probably getting hungry again, she will go get a bottle. Buffy stops her.

Buffy: Why can’t I…….?

Willow: You can but do you want to?

Buffy: I am not sure but that is what I have been sitting here thinking about. It is better for him, isn’t it?

Willow: Yeah, I was just reading how it helps with his immune system. It helps them resist illness.

Buffy: I want to try.

Willow assists Buffy and she is soon nursing her son for the first time. She is sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard when Angel sneaks in to see if she is ready to talk to him. He is shocked at the sight.

Buffy: Angel come on in. Come sit with me.

Angel comes and sits on the edge of the bed and stares at the two. Willow discretely leaves.

Buffy: Well I guess we have a son.

Angel: I guess we do. Are you okay? Do you have any questions?

Buffy: Yes but let’s wait until he is asleep.

The couple just sit quietly and watch their young son. When he is finished eating, Angel takes him and changes him while Buffy restores her clothing to their proper place. The baby falls back to sleep. Angel places him in the cradle and Buffy takes Angel’s hand and leads him out of the room and down the stairs. Everyone except Cordy and Willow have gone on to bed. Buffy ask them to watch the baby, while she and Angel go for a walk.

Cordy: He probably needs another bottle. I will feed him while you are gone.

Buffy: He already ate. He is fine.

Buffy and Angel leave the building and walk down the street to a quiet area where the locals sometime have picnics. They sit down. Angel waits for Buffy to speak.

Buffy: Nothing has changed. We still can not be a real couple. We can not live together. We can not make love. We can not have all the things we both want. But that being said, we are parents to an amazing little boy. A child we will have to raise as a team. A child that must know he was conceived in love. A child that must be raised in two separate households.

Angel: I know what you are saying, but I really believe we can do this. I think we can give him the most important things. Love and security.

Buffy: I agree. I am glad you agree that we can not live in each others worlds.

Angel: I do.

Buffy: But I think we should have not problem visiting as much as possible. (she smiles)

Angel smiles back and takes her hands in his.

Buffy: Well now I have said that I have one more thing to say. This you may not agree with but it is something I feel very strongly about and I do not want you to say anything until you have had time to think about it seriously.

Angel nods. Buffy stands up and turns away from him. She turns back and looks him in the eye.

Buffy: Even though we can never be a couple who live a normal life, we do need to put our child’s needs above everything else. And that said, you must know I refuse to raise my child as a bastard.

Buffy turns and starts walking away.

Angel: Buffy what are you saying?

Buffy: You know what I am saying. Now I am going back to the hotel. We will talk more tomorrow.

Buffy walks away. Angel sits there stunned.

© 2005 Tara